Life and Doctrine

I’ve been blessed reading Paul’s letters to Timothy today.  In particular …

“Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” (1 Tim. 4:16)

“You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, my persecutions and sufferings … ” (2 Tim. 3:10-11)

“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it  … ” (2 Timothy 3:14)

It’s important not just what we know and teach, but how others see us live.

Personal godliness builds the body of Christ through authentic relationships.

It matters how I live.

What does my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, my sufferings … show the “Timothy’s” in my life?

Pornography, Korean-American Family and Ministry

I read an article today that again reminded me of a sad reality.

Pornography in its various forms is everywhere … on-line, OnDemand, itunes, ipods, iphones, smartphones, e-readers, hotel room main menus, movies, music, youtube, facebook, private browsing, web ads, mag ads, tv ads, billboards, spring break, Mardi Gra, Halloween, parties, college, high school, junior high, Rt. 1, corner convenience store, posters, screensavers, mind’s eye, seared in the brain.  It’s peddled.  It’s pushed.  It’s cheap and casual.  It’s here, it’s gone, it’s get some more elsewhere.  It’s violent, distorted and exaggerated.  It’s imitation and fake.  It’s awash in tones of rape, objectification, subjection, humiliation and pain.  It’s used as a means to some end, usually someone else’s profit.  An escape.  It’s desecration and base reduction of what’s been created to be the most vulnerable and intimate, private and soul-joining expression of humanness into anonymous crashing of bodies.  Numbing, spewing, careless proliferation.  A caldron of curdling, rancid stew stirred and stirred.  Thrashed and splashed on us all.

Koreans don’t talk about these things.  Most Korean parents and families aren’t all of a sudden going to develop a cultural sensibility or comfortability to do so either.  These are, of course, difficult things to talk about.  But more fundamentally than that, in Korean families, parents and kids don’t “discuss” things.  Adults are adults.  Kids are kids.  Adults tell kids what they must do.  Adults question kids about what they did (mostly related to academic performance or getting a job).  The Korean culture is not one in which adults and kids converse.  Parents love their kids.  Parents work really hard.  The kid’s job then is to obey the parents.  (Which is a wise and wonderful principle in general.)   Things aren’t explained much.  They don’t work together to relate or arrive at compromises.  Kids aren’t asked what they think or how they feel.  A child’s autonomy and independent thinking is not exactly increasingly encouraged or developed throughout adolescence or early adulthood (though kids have a better shot if they’re getting the grades and working a “good job” that please the parents … but is that real autonomy?).

The Spirit’s Work

O God the Holy Spirit, …

Take of the things of Christ and show them to my soul;
Through thee may I daily learn more of his love,
grace, compassion, faithfulness, beauty;
Lead me to the cross and show me his wounds,
the hateful nature of evil, the power of Satan;
May I there see my sins as the nails that transfixed him,
the cords that bound him,
the thorns that tore him,
the sword that pierced him.
Help me to find in his death the reality
and immensity of his love.
Open the wondrous volumes of truth
in his, ‘It is finished’.
Increase my faith in the clear knowledge of
atonement achieved, expiation completed,
satisfaction made, guilt done away,
my debt paid, my sins forgiven,
my person redeemed, my soul saved,
hell vanquished, heaven opened,
eternity made mine.
O Holy Spirit, deepen in me these saving lessons.
Write them upon my heart, that my walk be
sin-loathing, sin-fleeing, Christ-loving …

- Valley of Vision

Forgiven, Free, Just

Invisible Children released its Kony 2012-Part 2 video.

Most are moved when we watch something like this.  There’s something imago-dei-human in us all that demands justice when we are rustled awake from our slumber, numbness, and dumbness.

But we ought take great caution how high our own pedestals be.  Do we really seek justice … for all? Do we see ourselves and those like us as deserving while others not as so? Do we feed our self-righteousness with our own good-doing?  Do we feel better about ourselves?

The pursuit of justice requires deep self-reflection in the mirror that is God–the Maker and Definer of justice.

“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)

Do we  think ourselves relatively innocent, like the Ugandan children and villagers, relative to what? Or do we think ourselves not so different from a Kony?  A sinner in our eyes.

What are we?  In our own eyes.  It matters.

Okay to be little, because we are found in Him.

Sobering sentiments God had Ezekiel share with those put in charge of His people in 6th century BC … still ring caution for us today.

“Ah, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding yourselves! Should not shepherds feed the sheep? You eat the fat, you clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat ones, but you do not feed the sheep. The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd, and they became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered; they wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. My sheep were scattered over all the face of the earth, with none to search or seek for them.”

What do we take from serving others? Our sense of well-being? Pride? Self-congratulation? Self-value? If so, we’re serving ourselves. Passion? Tenderness? When was the last time we cried in our hearts for those in our care? Do we really care for souls for Christ’s sake? Or are we just another warm body doing the work?

Measuring Our Worth

I’ve been going through “Show Me the Way” by Henri Nouwen during lent. Here is an excerpt:

When we start being too impressed by the results of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth. And before we are fully aware of it, we have sold our soul to the many grade-givers.  That means we are not only in the world, but also of the world.  Then we become what the world makes us. We are intelligent because someone gives us a high grade.  We are helpful because someone says thanks.  We are likable because someone likes us.  And we are important because  someone considers us indispensable.  In short, we are worthwhile because we have successes.

To live a Christian life means to live in the world without being of it.  It is in solitude that this inner freedom can grow . …

A life without a lonely place, that is, a life without a quiet center, easily becomes destructive.  When we cling to the results of our actions as our only way of self-identification, then we become possessive and defensive and tend to look at our fellow human beings more as enemies to be kept at a distance than as friends with whom to share the gifts of life.

In solitude we can slowly unmask the illusion of our possessiveness and discover in the center of our own self that we are not what we conquer, but what is given to us.  In solitude we can listen to the voice of him who spoke to us before we could speak a word, who healed us before we could make any gesture to hep, who set us free long before we could free others, and who loved us long before we could give love to anyone.  It is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the result of our efforts.  In solitude, we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared.  It’s there we recognize that the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us, that the love we can express is part of a greater love; and that the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be received.

In solitude we become aware that our worth is not the same as our usefulness.

Life … a Choice or a Gift

So … what’s going on in the presidential campaign?

There’s Obama, of course … and then there’s the Mormon guy and a few other guys. And there are a lot of commercials and debate type stuff on TV. That’s the extent of awareness for some. Many people don’t know and don’t care … especially if we can’t vote yet or if we don’t understand how we’ll be impacted by the propositions of the differing camps.

My husband, Young, who’s been keeping up, recently recommended that I read an interesting article he came across written about and to Rick Santorum, one of the republican candidates. The writer is a woman who has disabilities of her own and is mother to a two-year-old son, Ronan, who was born with Tay-Sach’s, a genetic disease that has caused him seizures, blindness, paralysis and will eventually lead to his death.

She takes up the issue of prenatal testing that Santorum believes will lead to an increase in abortions in the country. But she writes that it’s fundamentally “not an the issue of testing, but the issue of choice.” I agree.

I have not forgotten you.

Last Friday, my parents came over to our house for lunch before we headed to the Boston Symphony together for an afternoon concert.  Not a normal occurrence. In fact, this was a first.  My parents had never gone to listen to a live orchestra before.  But the Lord was gracious to Young at the end of last year granting him a promotion at work.  And we wanted to celebrate His goodness by honoring both our parents in some way.  We got to do things with and for Young’s parents over Christmas.  And for my parents, we were taking them to the symphony!

Why the symphony?  Well, I remember my mom mentioning to me on a few occasions through the years how much she loved classical music growing up.  In fact, though rummaging through distant and dusty memory, she remembered the names of pieces and composers still.  She’d smile and relish even just the thought of the music in those brief times she’d talk about them.  So we wanted to treat them to some legit classical.

Are we lovable?

I read today what Demi Moore said in an interview following questions about her recent emaciated appearance and second failed marriage to Ashton Kutcher.  I feel for her … celebrity or not, we’re human.  Broken relationships … crushed trust and love … dissolved hopes … failure and abandonment … hurt.  But aside from the pain and disappointment, she honestly speaks her real fear.  She said, “What scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.“

She said it.  Isn’t that the basic fear of every human heart? It’s why many of us strive to earn things, achieve things, buy things, wear things, drive things, live in places, vacation in places, have certain friends, do good deeds, love and give ourselves away, have children, send them to certain schools and need them to … strive to earn things, achieve things …

The fear that I’m not loveable.  That there’s something wrong with me … that I don’t matter.

but i will be with you …

The prayer guide I use for my daily bible reading brought me to Exodus 3:1-12 today. It’s a passage of scripture very familiar to those even somewhat familiar with church. It’s the part where Moses encounters the burning bush … the presence of God.

Sure, I know it. But I read it again. And I notice …

… how ordinary Moses’ life must have become for him. The memories of life among and as one of Egypt’s most privileged and powerful would have been a distant memory awash in rugged years of desert wind, dust and sun. It was a life long ago he’d just as well forget since it ended with his murdering someone and fleeing from it all. Now he was watching over flock that wasn’t even his, but his father-in-law’s. A far cry from everything he had owned and commanded.

… how God initiates and lets Himself be seen. Moses turns and looks in captive curiosity. God calls him by name. Moses doesn’t hide but identifies himself. God reveals who He is. Moses responds out of reverent fear. God shares what’s on his heart with Moses and includes him in His plan in a major way. Moses … guilty, alienated, disappointed, discarded, damaged, desert-animal-herder Moses … is to lead a nation of people out of 400 years of slavery and oppression under mighty Egypt led by a god-man and his armies?? He is understandably blind-sided, overwhelmed and afraid … surely, before any of this even has the prospect of getting off the ground, there’s a huge problem with the main character being called on here–he is not good enough! And he knows it. But God says …